The 9 Drawbacks to Being an Evil Villain
by Cold Drake Queen
Summary: A look at villains and thier fun, and thier downfall.


Disclaimer: I do not own any game or character mentioned in this fiction and do not make money from this.

Warnings: This fiction has mention of homosexual relationships; reader's discretion is advised.

A/N: OMG, I just got this email for male enhancement with this title. I just had to write it. Hope you like it.

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The 9 Drawbacks to Being an Evil Villain

A guide to the dark side of love

Life has always been so simple for villains, kill a person here, knock down a building there, and wipe the floor with the good guys every now and again. But it gets a little harder when you are lonely and just want someone to hold.

Let us take a look at a few villains and see how they deal with it.

Our first case study is Sephiroth, the one winged angel of death, SOLDIER of Shinra Inc.

Our dear silver haired villain loved two men that in time became one. This must have been a good day for him, as he wouldn't have to choose anymore. But for some reason, neither man ever returned his feelings.

His power as a man, as well as the strength he possessed, could bring him neither. So he had tried to use his fame. For a short while this worked on the younger of the two. Cloud was fully into hero worship. But somehow, somewhere, this changed. It may have been when Sephiroth tried to kill him. We are, as of yet, unsure.

When that changed, Sephiroth had changed tactics and decided that if Cloud wouldn't come to him willingly, then he would use mind control. Now, this worked until Sephiroth killed a person who was close to Cloud's heart, again a large mistake on his part.

I do believe the link between these two men is what drove him completely insane. For after his failure, he decided that if he could not have Cloud then no one could. This led to Sephiroth's attempt to destroy the planet.

At this he failed and died for the first time at Cloud's hands, with the help of the planet.

Now wouldn't you have it, Sephiroth was given a second chance, but Cloud did not have any idea that the disease he was suffering was linked to Sephiroth.

Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz were reincarnations of Sephiroth; they just lacked a small piece of the puzzle to be what they were before. However, their love for Cloud had not halved. All three had worked together to get what they had wanted. In the end only Kadaj had been able to gain the missing piece.

With Sephiroth once again on the planet he had tried to bring destruction to the world. What he had not counted on, however, was that Cloud had gained a strong ally the day he had killed the flower girl.

And so once again Sephiroth failed in his attempt to gain the favour of his beloved and died because of it.

In short I do believe we have stumbled on a few good points on what you should not do if you want someone to love you. Do not kill those people that your love is close to. Do not try to control their mind, and most importantly do not try to destroy the planet if you cannot have what you want.

Our next case study is Seifer, sorceress knight, failed SEED of Balamb Garden.

He had spent most of his life living with the one he would ultimately love, both orphans from the war that had passed the world a generation before.

Seifer had loved Squall to such a degree that they had grown to hate each other. I would be safe to say neither man was sane, but that did not stop them. Seifer took Squall out to a romantic place all alone, though alas a fight broke out, possibly pertaining as to who was the sexier of the two. In any case, both men now sport matching scars. However, as to who is sexier you will have to decide, but frankly I believe the scars received that day gave them more definition and branded one as belonging to the other.

Fight placed aside, this relationship continued and even made some progress. On the day of the field exam Squall had done everything that Seifer had asked of him. Find fault in the blonde, as he did not tell Squall to do the right thing. I do believe if at that moment Seifer had asked to shag Squall senseless, it might have been done. But as with all blondes the obvious is not always visible. I do believe in some way the presence of another blonde was what had thrown Seifer. It seemed more like Seifer was defending his brunette, soon to be lover, from a rival.

Now, I do not believe Zell is into brunettes, so I don't think Seifer had anything to worry about, though that did not stop him from making a huge mistake.

Moving on, later we see that Seifer has managed to capture Squall, and the first thing he does is tie Squall to a wall. I will give him points for that. It rates highly on my kink meter, and it seems to this person that Squall rather likes it rough. What I will fault him for is that he tried to combine pleasure with work. Not all that bright. But when you want it, you have to get it. For unknown to both persons at this time they won't see each other for a long time.

Tension builds to the point of their next meeting. This is explosive. Both men are rather cranky from having to deal with insane woman, both not by choice. So when they do meet a fight breaks out where they try to kill each other. Failed attempts on both parts.

For this case study I do believe the point is that love and hate share a fine line unless both parties share a pleasure for pain, in which case they are one and the same.

Our third case study isn't known to most. I stumbled on it one day while researching this topic. He is known as Kuja, nobleman of Terra, and rider of the silver dragon.

It is true that this villain seemed to chase anything that moved. But in the end he only wanted one, Zidane.

Now, the information pertaining to this villain is sketchy as I only found small pieces of information. But from what I can gather, he had always had a love for the abstract. I guess the tail is what drove him to love who he did, and who could blame him? Tails can be very useful in matters pertaining to foreplay.

It seems that after a few tries at capturing Zidane, Kuja became frustrated and destroyed his own home and birthplace.

I am unsure as to exactly the fate of this couple, but I can probably assume that wounded from their last battle Kuja withdrew to lick his injured pride. After which he found information that didn't sit well with most and awoke a whole new level to his relationship with Zidane.

His fault, I would like to point out is not knowing the past well enough to foresee the future.

Our fourth villain is Seymour, the Grand Maester of Yevon.

With his political power behind him he tried to woo his love with political moves. He made his one major mistake when he tried to marry the love of the one he loved. This created jealousy and anger towards himself resulting is his eventual death. But in death, he tried to gain more power for himself, to become almost immortal. This immortality would have eventually stripped him of everything that made him who he was. It is unsure to this person if the power struggles between the three persons involved were clear to them.

I am sure that Seymour knew what he was doing to the point that he wanted love to carry him into the next world. As to how he had thought to complete this is unknown. From what I could gather from the histories, Seymour would have killed the father of the one he loved so that he could take his place.

Not wise in the least. People tend to hold to their family in any way that they can. Even if said person is evil.

This lets me touch a little on the relationship between Jecht, father of Tidus, also known as Sin at the time of his sons triumph. It is believed that his summoner Braska and his partner the guardian Auron had had a rather interesting relationship. In all recorded history it has been the only recorded case of three lives bonded at one time. I will not touch on this further as none were villains at the time.

Our fifth case study is Shuin, master Blitzball player.

His love was of very interesting means. After the death of his love before the coming of Sin he had somehow managed to start a string of events that brought Sin to Sphira. In any event over the years he became close to the Aeon Bahamut. The two souls that travel time became close. But being of a younger mind at time of death, Bahamut did not realize the anger and sorrow that Shuin carried.

This eventually led to Bahamut being used against the people who he had sworn to help, and eventually the betrayal to those who would stop Shuin. But who could really blame Bahamut; I mean it has to be very hard for a dragon of his size to have a relationship with a man. He must have had some very large issues with tension.

Last I heard Bahamut had dropped Shuin and was currently with Ifrit. A better match in ways I won't get into because I really do not understand the lives of the Aeons.

And that brings me to my next point. Don't use your lover in any way shape or form. It's best to let your lover come to you.

Our next and final case study before we touch on the present time is Vayne, son of the Archadian Emperor and consul-governor of Dalmasca.

This villain is known for his love of conquest. He has had many lovers in his time, but we will only touch on the most important. Official text states that he wasn't very close to his two older brothers before their deaths, but I have found strong evidence that the two older brothers most likely took their younger brother under their wings and into their beds. This eventually led to his seeking his younger brother after their deaths. To this day it is believed that Larsa still holds those days close to his heart.

But it was short lived as Vayne switched his affections to Rasler, this lead to the eventual destruction of Nabradia and the fall of Dalmasca. During the fall of Dalmasca, Vayne had fallen quite hard for a young Reks.

On a side note it is said Gabranth stood by his side as lover and warrior through these times. It was actually he who killed Reks when he realized what was going on.

During the battles of Nabradia and Dalmasca, Rasler was killed by a poisoned arrow leading to much sorrow in Vayne. Again it was Gabranth who stood at the forefront and suggested that he try to make amends to the people of Nabradia and Dalmasca by becoming their temporary ruler.

In the two years before the unrest he had captured a soldier by the name Basch. He had this delectable piece of flesh sealed away in a dungeon where not even his beloved Gabranth could find him. For Gabranth would have been in a state when he learned that Vayne visited is incarcerated brother nightly.

During his time as the power in Dalmasca, Vayne came across a young street rat, Vaan, whom he learned was Reks' little brother. There were a few attempts to calm this free spirit and bring sense to the base born boy. With him came another that was equally beautiful in Vayne's eyes, a sky pirate by the name Balther. It is believed by this person that Vaan and Balther came as a pair in everything they did. The two blondes were inseparable throughout the histories, and thus I mention them together. It is believed that whenever Vayne had gone to one, the other was there as well.

Now, the lessons learned from this villain is that too many lovers leave one pulled in too many ways. Jealousy abounds and people get killed.

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"Riku what are you writing?"

"Just my term paper Sora, go back to sleep."

"That isn't due for weeks yet." Sora moved to drape his naked body over his lover.

"But you see I had a break through and I wanted to finish it. I was just getting to the part where I talk about me." Riku grasped the spiky haired brunette by the wrist and let him settle into his lap.

"Vain as always."

"You know you like it." He let his lips brush a sensitive ear and listened to the giggles spill from the younger boy.

"Riku stop it." Sora complained. But the silver haired boy just continued in his sweet torture. "Riku stop or you'll have to finish what you started."

"Is that a threat?"

"Yes."

Riku flung Sora back on the bed and leaned over him. "And If I do not comply?"

"Riku you are evil, you know that?"

"In so many ways…"

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A/N2: So here ends this story. And no I'm not going to write more on it. If you were counting there are only 8 drawbacks mentioned. This is because Riku isn't done writing his paper. Now go and review and I just might give you the last drawback, maybe. 


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